How can I help my loved one get into addiction treatment?

When addiction destroys the life of a loved one, the whole family feels the pain. You want to save, shake, persuade, convince. But it's as if the person doesn't hear. He promises - and then he breaks down again. He withdraws into himself. Lies. Sometimes aggressive. There's despair: «What if he never changes?»

At Renaissance, we see how important the role of the family is when a person is on the verge of a decision. And we know that we can't help by persuasion, but there are ways to gently nudge the addict to take a conscious step towards treatment. In this article we will tell you why an addict denies the obvious, and what really helps to motivate them to rehabilitation.

Why can't the addict see their problem?

When a person uses regularly, their psyche stops perceiving reality objectively. Defence mechanisms are activated: rationalisation, denial, projection. He is not deliberately lying - he lives in a distorted reality in which:

he's in control (although he hasn't been for a long time);
he's «understandable» because he's got «problems.»;
everything is «self-controlled from Monday».

On a physiological level, addiction is inherent:

disrupt brain function, especially the self-regulation area;
to desensitise you to the consequences;
increase psychological defences against guilt.

That is why talking about the problem does not cause the addict to realise it, but to react defensively: aggression, resentment, withdrawal into himself. The more pressure he is under, the stronger his inner armour works.

Mechanisms of denial and fear of treatment

Behind every «I'm not sick» is not pride, but fear. Fear of giving up. Fear of sobriety. Fear of the unknown.

The man is afraid:

to lose their usual «survival mode»;
to face myself sober - without anaesthetic;
to hear the diagnosis, to recognise the scale of the devastation.

It's also frightening:

«what they'll think.»;
the need to live differently;
lack of faith in success.

Addiction treatment for Russian-speaking patients is particularly complicated by the cultural context: it is not customary for us to «admit weakness», see a psychologist, or talk openly about pain. This also discourages people from seeking help.

All this says one thing: addiction is a disease of fear, not promiscuity. And to reproach such a person is only to strengthen his defence.

Why doesn't persuasion and threats work?

Those close to me often say:

«Think of the children!»
«I'll leave you if you don't stop!»
«Look at you - you're dying!»

But it's not motivating. Why not?

Phrases like that cause shame, not judgement;
The person may feel even more vulnerable, and - withdrawn;
Threats take away faith in unconditional support, and it is critical.

Threats, manipulation, «punishments» don't work.
It works - honest, warm, respectful dialogue.

Example:

«I can't watch you suffer anymore. I'm here for you. I'm not pushing. But I really want you to get help. I have found a place where they speak Russian, where they understand, where they don't push. That's your choice. But I am always there for you if you are ready.».

What can really motivate you to get treatment?

At Renaissance, we regularly experience how the right words, a warm atmosphere and trust do what years of pressure have failed to do.

That's what really helps:

You are not alone in this struggle!

Зависимость — это болезнь, а не приговор. И её можно лечить. Но первый шаг — это не приём в клинику. Это разговор. Искренний, спокойный, без давления. В котором вместо «Ты всё разрушаешь» звучит:
«Я рядом. Я верю. Я помогу, если ты готов».

В центре «Ренессанс» мы не только лечим зависимости — мы помогаем близким найти тот самый момент, когда слово меняет судьбу. Мы говорим на русском, мы понимаем боль и страх, и мы готовы идти рядом.